Christmas Warfare

Silent Night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright...

Not quite.

In fact, I think the Baby Jesus would have a hard time sleeping in heavenly peace, with all the racket going on about his birthday.

For several years now, Christian fundamentalists and certain media pundits have been battling major retailers, elected politicians, and school districts over the decades-long watering down of Christmas.

They are supported by political heavyweights like Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert, who this year insisted that the U.S. Capitol Holiday Tree, after a decade of wearing a secular title, be called the Capitol Christmas Tree again. Likewise, Rev. Jerry Falwell threatened to unleash "700 Christian lawyers" on the City of Boston, if it didn't change the name of its 48-foot spruce from "holiday tree" to "Christmas tree."

The bones of contention are manifold: White House greeting cards wishing the recipients a "Happy Holiday Season," retailers' avoidance of the word "Christmas," schools releasing students for "winter break" instead of "Christmas vacation," and so on.

While some incidents are rather trivial, others appear more serious. Some schools have been reported to ban Christmas carols (even the instrumental versions), Christmas school plays, and even items containing the words Christmas, Christ or St. Nicholas, or any depiction of Christmas symbols such as trees or ornaments.

The Plano Independent School District in Texas shunned even the traditional Christmas colors red and green, telling parents to only bring white plates and napkins to the "winter break party." Also forbidden: red and green clothing and seasonal frosting on cookies. To many concerned Christian parents and conservatives, this means a declaration of war.

In his book The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday Is Worse Than You Thought, FOX-News anchor John Gibson tells horror stories of discrimination against Christmas and all who believe in it. The Alliance Defense Fund--a conservative legal group--encourages devout Christians to come to the rescue of America's favorite holiday with the phrase "Merry Christmas. It's okay to say it." And a writer on the right-wing WorldNetDaily website went so far to warn of the potential "persecution and outright criminalization of Christianity."

But is Christmas really becoming a four-letter word, or is it some paranoid evangelists' figment of imagination? To me, it looks like a severe case of obsessive-compulsive behavior: The obsessive urge of evangelical Christians to shout their beliefs from every rooftop, and the compulsive need of liberals to maintain political correctness (read: inclusivity) at all costs.

For example, before school reforms all but wiped out Christmas in the classroom, it was often reported that teachers forced non-Christian students to partake in singing Christmas carols in class and writing essays about "What Christmas Means to Me." A curricular lapse that many non-Christian parents felt was inappropriate. So, as usual, the bureaucratic solution was to kill the mosquito with a shotgun: Instead of exempting those minority students from participation, red-tape artists concluded that any display of Christmas at school had to be prohibited.

For my part, I would think that to most children living in the U.S., Christmas would still have a meaning. Do Jews who celebrate Hanukkah not still attend Christmas parties and even give Christmas presents? Growing up, I had a Jewish pen pal and we always exchanged Christmas presents. At very least, Christmas meant that his "gentile friend" had a chance to kiss Annette Alberti under the mistletoe at the Christmas dance (alas, that never happened). For agnostics, there's still Santa Claus and plenty of spiked egg nog to celebrate. You don't have to go to church if you don't want to, this is America!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not an Evangelical Christian (not even a good Catholic), but I find that this "Zero Christmas Tolerance" has taken on ridiculous forms.

Case in point: Michigan 5th-grader Joel Curry who--in the course of the annual "Classroom City" project where students build their own store fronts and sell self-made items to their classmates--sold homemade, candy cane-shaped ornaments with an attached message that explained the religious origin of candy canes.

Apparently, school officials feared this could do irreparable harm to the fragile psyches of other-faith students. Thus, Joel had to remove the messages before selling the canes.

Let's forget for a moment the fact that the purported Christian symbolism of candy canes (white for purity and virgin birth, red for the blood of Christ, hard for the foundation of the Church, etc.) is a myth that's easily debunked by urban legend sites like snopes.com, and that little Joel should have gotten an F for uncritically repeating religious hogwash. Even so, here's a word to the Handley School employees: Get a life.

Similarly, a public library in Memphis, TN, allowed a nativity to be displayed provided the religious icons of Joseph, Mary, and the Baby Jesus were omitted. Only legal action from the ADF brought the three figures back on the scene. Which makes me want to tell both the ueber-liberal librarians and the ADF zealots to get a life. What happened to "Let there be peace on earth?"

Naturally, one overreaction triggers the next. By now, Christian paranoia has swollen to a degree that even innocuous events are turned into end-of-the-world affairs.

For example, a major thorn in the Christian crusaders' side is the fact that some retail chains seem to avoid mention of Christmas in their advertising and store decorations. The AFA called upon all Christians to boycott Target stores for this reason, and Wal-Mart recently caved by promising to put a Christmas page, not just a holiday page, on its website.

"I hope we're not nearing a national meltdown over this," scoffs Cynthia Tucker, editor at the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, who calls the ongoing battle over Christmas "the most overblown cultural dispute since a national advice columnist dedicated reams of newsprint to an argument over which way toilet tissue should be hung on the holder."

I agree. The liberals caught in their web of political correctness need some serious detangling. Afterall, Christmas to me was about Santa Claus, presents and Dad cursing about the dog "marking" our tree. The fact that it coincided with the Church's decision to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ at that time was an entirely separate issue for me. Who is really offended by a manger scene? Come on! Look at the harmony depicted between man and the animals. Are there no lib's who belong to PETA?

And the others who proclaim so loudly that they want to "put the Christ back in Christmas" should remember the primary Christian values of kindness, compassion, forgiveness and turning the other cheek.

Who knows, if everybody could just loosen up a bit, we may be able to have a merry Christmas after all.